Some conversations seem to stick in an inactive portion of the brain. The type of conversations that remain dormant until something unexpected, and usually unrelated, brings it to the forefront of one’s mind. During a recent moment of meditation, a long-forgotten conversation with a trusted female friend resurfaced in a way that made it impossible to ignore.

I will not bore you with the entirety of the conversation in this space; I will give you the most succinct recitation, as I remember it, possible. The entire conversation revolved around the best path to end the on-going civil war between Black men and Black women, reduced to the following statement.

It is time that Black men apologized to Black women.

Honestly, I scoffed at the notion that Black men needed to apologize to Black women about anything without a second thought. There has been far too much said by both combatants in this civil war for one group to issue an apology to an adversary that consistently delivered serious blows from a host of angles as if they were channeling the spirit of Iron Mike Tyson during his early days.

Yet, a combination of time, experience, understanding of history, and deep reflection has forced me to revisit this issue. Of course, the still-reverberating words of Brother Malcolm that

The Black woman is the most disrespected person on the planet

was activated without any prodding. I am sure that I am not the only Black man whose life experience and adoration of Malcolm X have led to this thought being pinned to the forefront of their mind.

Alas, my understanding of what can be best termed a civil war between Black men and Black women that stretches across several generations had appeared at the forefront of my mind. Its arrival was akin to a supreme challenge that struck my understanding of manhood and its means to be a Black man in America.

I was forced to consider the validity of Malcolm X’s statement regarding the horrific disrespect that he asserted that Black women have received from all of those around them. Unfortunately, this list of offenders that have used Black women as a reliable tool to included their hearts desires includes Black men. The historical record proves that Black women are always excluded from any rewards when goals are secured.

Although equally painful and embarrassing to admit, there appears to be a segment of Black men who have learned from Whites that the most assured means of advancing in this requires the engagement and exploitation of Black women. According to this playbook, Black women are to be engaged, exploited for their usefulness, and then discarded and denied at an opportune moment.

If I was not well-versed in the historical record, I could be convinced that all Black men view Black women as little more than a means to some desired end. However, this same historical record and personal experience prove that not all Black men have viewed the women of their race as a “beast of burden.” Yet, this does not cancel the inexcusable fact that there are Black men in our midst whose desperate struggle to survive makes exploitation second-nature. Unfortunately for Black women, they are more likely to encounter exploiters than upstanding Black men if for no other reason than the former never cease their hunt for their next victim.

Rest assured that upstanding Black men are aware of the presence of those whose every interaction with Black women is self-advantageous; yet, we remain silent regarding such matters – a daunting decision that flows from a desire to “mind our own business.” Such passivism remains our standard verse until one of these individuals or someone socialized by them emerges in the life of our daughter, niece, or even mother with a voracious appetite to devour all that they can access. Trust me when I say that efforts to protect Black women from predatory Black men will continue to fail as long as we allow their manufacturing within our community.

I guess that this journey began with a daunting assertion that began with what I considered to be an illogical demand that

It is time that Black men apologized to Black women

forces me to realize that maybe, just maybe, Black men should apologize to Black women for not providing an impenetrable hedge of protection around them against all those that seek to disrespect and prey on them.

In a world where Black men consistently demand the right to be head of household and leaders within their community, the state of unprotected, depressed, unstable, and uncertain Black girls, females, and women must be placed at their feet.

The onus is on Black men to bring a cease to this nation’s grandest tradition of all, disrespecting Black men by all Americans regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation. Please do not take this as a call that I believe Black women need to be saved. The historical record proves this not to be the case; however, I think that we all could benefit from Black men refusing to join others in their never-ending pursuit to denigrate, disrespect, and destroy the souls and bodies of Black women at every turn.

Dr. James Thomas Jones III

© Manhood, Race, and Culture, 2021.