Category Archives: Black Women
Tearing Down Taboos: When Should African-Americans Address Mental Health Issues (A MRCi Event)
Please join MRCi (Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive) tonight (February 4, 2021) at 7:30 (EST) — 6:30 pm (CST) for an important program on When Blacks Should Seek Out Aid With Their Mental Health.
Tonight’s presenter will be Mr. Carlton Singleton, a Prairie View A & M University alum, and educator.
“It Is Time that Black Men Apologize to Black Women!!!!!!”: One Black Man’s Response to a Dear Friends Assertion
Some conversations seem to stick in an inactive portion of the brain. The type of conversations that remain dormant until something unexpected, and usually unrelated, brings it to the forefront of one’s mind. During a recent moment of meditation, a long-forgotten conversation with a trusted female friend resurfaced in a way that made it impossible to ignore.
I will not bore you with the entirety of the conversation in this space; I will give you the most succinct recitation, as I remember it, possible. The entire conversation revolved around the best path to end the on-going civil war between Black men and Black women, reduced to the following statement.
It is time that Black men apologized to Black women.
Honestly, I scoffed at the notion that Black men needed to apologize to Black women about anything without a second thought. There has been far too much said by both combatants in this civil war for one group to issue an apology to an adversary that consistently delivered serious blows from a host of angles as if they were channeling the spirit of Iron Mike Tyson during his early days.
Yet, a combination of time, experience, understanding of history, and deep reflection has forced me to revisit this issue. Of course, the still-reverberating words of Brother Malcolm that
The Black woman is the most disrespected person on the planet
was activated without any prodding. I am sure that I am not the only Black man whose life experience and adoration of Malcolm X have led to this thought being pinned to the forefront of their mind.
Alas, my understanding of what can be best termed a civil war between Black men and Black women that stretches across several generations had appeared at the forefront of my mind. Its arrival was akin to a supreme challenge that struck my understanding of manhood and its means to be a Black man in America.
I was forced to consider the validity of Malcolm X’s statement regarding the horrific disrespect that he asserted that Black women have received from all of those around them. Unfortunately, this list of offenders that have used Black women as a reliable tool to included their hearts desires includes Black men. The historical record proves that Black women are always excluded from any rewards when goals are secured.
Although equally painful and embarrassing to admit, there appears to be a segment of Black men who have learned from Whites that the most assured means of advancing in this requires the engagement and exploitation of Black women. According to this playbook, Black women are to be engaged, exploited for their usefulness, and then discarded and denied at an opportune moment.
If I was not well-versed in the historical record, I could be convinced that all Black men view Black women as little more than a means to some desired end. However, this same historical record and personal experience prove that not all Black men have viewed the women of their race as a “beast of burden.” Yet, this does not cancel the inexcusable fact that there are Black men in our midst whose desperate struggle to survive makes exploitation second-nature. Unfortunately for Black women, they are more likely to encounter exploiters than upstanding Black men if for no other reason than the former never cease their hunt for their next victim.
Rest assured that upstanding Black men are aware of the presence of those whose every interaction with Black women is self-advantageous; yet, we remain silent regarding such matters – a daunting decision that flows from a desire to “mind our own business.” Such passivism remains our standard verse until one of these individuals or someone socialized by them emerges in the life of our daughter, niece, or even mother with a voracious appetite to devour all that they can access. Trust me when I say that efforts to protect Black women from predatory Black men will continue to fail as long as we allow their manufacturing within our community.
I guess that this journey began with a daunting assertion that began with what I considered to be an illogical demand that
It is time that Black men apologized to Black women
forces me to realize that maybe, just maybe, Black men should apologize to Black women for not providing an impenetrable hedge of protection around them against all those that seek to disrespect and prey on them.
In a world where Black men consistently demand the right to be head of household and leaders within their community, the state of unprotected, depressed, unstable, and uncertain Black girls, females, and women must be placed at their feet.
The onus is on Black men to bring a cease to this nation’s grandest tradition of all, disrespecting Black men by all Americans regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation. Please do not take this as a call that I believe Black women need to be saved. The historical record proves this not to be the case; however, I think that we all could benefit from Black men refusing to join others in their never-ending pursuit to denigrate, disrespect, and destroy the souls and bodies of Black women at every turn.
Dr. James Thomas Jones III
© Manhood, Race, and Culture, 2021.
The Origins of Lynching Culture in the United States
The Pursuit of a Suitable Wife: The Black Man’s Burden (The Aftermath of an MRCi Event)
This an open invitation for you to join us tonight (January 7, 2021) at 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST for what promises to be a vibrant and intellectually stimulating discussion as we kick off our initial 2021 session of Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive.
Click HERE to gain access to the discussion.
During last week’s Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive (MRCi), I learned something about myself. I may have a blind spot in regards to my analysis of the path to a successful relationship. Of course, this revelation was pointed out to me by Black women fighting against Jawanza Kunjufu’s assertion that marriage-minded Black men raised in two-parent households should avoid Black women who were reared in single-parent female-headed households.
Although the men present during the MRCi event agreed with the above assertion and offered personal experience to bolster Kunjufu’s statement, their voices were drowned out by Black women who challenged all reasoning and explanations. Of course, the majority of the women present were products of single female-headed households. This explains why their skepticism rapidly ascended into a rage. Possibly the most powerful rebuttal to Kunjufu was the following quip.
I hate to hear this type of thinking because in the end, no one, not a single one of us, picks their parents. You didn’t pick yours, and I did not select mine.
Although there is much truth found in the above assertion, it does little to combat the reality that many of the men present pushed-back against the idea that there are no differences in the outlook and decision-making of those that Kunjufu termed “daddy-less little girls” and their counterparts raised in healthy and stable two-parent homes.
This matter is a frequent closed-door topic among marriage-minded Black men who believe that a strong family is a prerequisite to a strong Black nation. Untold conversations with marriage-minded Black men reveal that the vast majority have similar evaluation criteria when evaluating a woman’s wife status. What follows is a small portion of the things that many of these Black men seeking a Black woman to marry have shared with me.
- Man, I don’t need that type of headache. If she has never seen her mother interact on the regular with a Black man in a healthy, committed relationship, I won’t even consider her an option.
- Although the physical remains important to me, the type of home and family, she was raised in will cause me to walk away and never look back.
- One of the first questions I ask an attractive sister is, “Tell me about your father.” If he wasn’t around, I am not going to be around. It is too much of a struggle to battle someone whose worldview and image of Black men is unhealthy because they have never seen the presence of a good Black man.
- I’m just not going to hitch my wagon to a Black woman, regardless of how fine and accomplished she is, who does not understand a wife’s role. She has never seen one in her household, so she can’t be one.
It appears that just as many Black women have adapted to the rugged terrain known as the Black dating world, many accomplished Black bachelors have done the same and closed themselves off to a certain segment of Black females. Put simply, they no longer believe that they have the ability to be wife material.
In many ways, the angst expressed by so many Black females during last week’s MRCi session is understandable, yet, there indignation that challenges the rights of marriage-minded Black men to sidestep a segment of Black America is both emotions filled and wrongheaded. Observation and participation are the guideposts leading the decision-making processes of so many Black men at the present moment. The alluded to Black men are merely reacting to terrain that began well before they were conceived.
As with so many other issues afflicting Black men and Black women’s dynamics, there is no definitive answer to this issue. One thing is for certain, somewhere along the way, it became acceptable among a segment of our populace for Black men not to be present to serve as a primary socializing agent in the lives of their children, boys, and girls. This development is serving as a primary determinant in the type of Black woman that marriage-minded Black men pursue. The consequences of this development impact us all. If you do not believe me, ask an accomplished marriage-minded Black man why he is not married with all of these single Black women around.
Black women, before you ask such a question, please brace yourself because what you are about to hear may be uncomfortable, yet, it is nevertheless the truth as he sees it.
This an open invitation for you to join us tonight (January 7, 2021) at 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST for what promises to be a vibrant and intellectually stimulating discussion as we kick off our initial 2021 session of Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive.
Click HERE to gain access to the discussion.
Dr. James Thomas Jones III
© Manhood, Race, and Culture, 2021.