This an open invitation for you to join us tonight (January 7, 2021) at 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST for what promises to be a vibrant and intellectually stimulating discussion as we kick off our initial 2021 session of Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive.
Click HERE to gain access to the discussion.
During last week’s Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive (MRCi), I learned something about myself. I may have a blind spot in regards to my analysis of the path to a successful relationship. Of course, this revelation was pointed out to me by Black women fighting against Jawanza Kunjufu’s assertion that marriage-minded Black men raised in two-parent households should avoid Black women who were reared in single-parent female-headed households.
Although the men present during the MRCi event agreed with the above assertion and offered personal experience to bolster Kunjufu’s statement, their voices were drowned out by Black women who challenged all reasoning and explanations. Of course, the majority of the women present were products of single female-headed households. This explains why their skepticism rapidly ascended into a rage. Possibly the most powerful rebuttal to Kunjufu was the following quip.
I hate to hear this type of thinking because in the end, no one, not a single one of us, picks their parents. You didn’t pick yours, and I did not select mine.
Although there is much truth found in the above assertion, it does little to combat the reality that many of the men present pushed-back against the idea that there are no differences in the outlook and decision-making of those that Kunjufu termed “daddy-less little girls” and their counterparts raised in healthy and stable two-parent homes.
This matter is a frequent closed-door topic among marriage-minded Black men who believe that a strong family is a prerequisite to a strong Black nation. Untold conversations with marriage-minded Black men reveal that the vast majority have similar evaluation criteria when evaluating a woman’s wife status. What follows is a small portion of the things that many of these Black men seeking a Black woman to marry have shared with me.
- Man, I don’t need that type of headache. If she has never seen her mother interact on the regular with a Black man in a healthy, committed relationship, I won’t even consider her an option.
- Although the physical remains important to me, the type of home and family, she was raised in will cause me to walk away and never look back.
- One of the first questions I ask an attractive sister is, “Tell me about your father.” If he wasn’t around, I am not going to be around. It is too much of a struggle to battle someone whose worldview and image of Black men is unhealthy because they have never seen the presence of a good Black man.
- I’m just not going to hitch my wagon to a Black woman, regardless of how fine and accomplished she is, who does not understand a wife’s role. She has never seen one in her household, so she can’t be one.
It appears that just as many Black women have adapted to the rugged terrain known as the Black dating world, many accomplished Black bachelors have done the same and closed themselves off to a certain segment of Black females. Put simply, they no longer believe that they have the ability to be wife material.
In many ways, the angst expressed by so many Black females during last week’s MRCi session is understandable, yet, there indignation that challenges the rights of marriage-minded Black men to sidestep a segment of Black America is both emotions filled and wrongheaded. Observation and participation are the guideposts leading the decision-making processes of so many Black men at the present moment. The alluded to Black men are merely reacting to terrain that began well before they were conceived.
As with so many other issues afflicting Black men and Black women’s dynamics, there is no definitive answer to this issue. One thing is for certain, somewhere along the way, it became acceptable among a segment of our populace for Black men not to be present to serve as a primary socializing agent in the lives of their children, boys, and girls. This development is serving as a primary determinant in the type of Black woman that marriage-minded Black men pursue. The consequences of this development impact us all. If you do not believe me, ask an accomplished marriage-minded Black man why he is not married with all of these single Black women around.
Black women, before you ask such a question, please brace yourself because what you are about to hear may be uncomfortable, yet, it is nevertheless the truth as he sees it.
This an open invitation for you to join us tonight (January 7, 2021) at 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST for what promises to be a vibrant and intellectually stimulating discussion as we kick off our initial 2021 session of Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive.
Click HERE to gain access to the discussion.
Dr. James Thomas Jones III
© Manhood, Race, and Culture, 2021.
